The Lord's Presence

Psalm 27:4

"One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in His temple."

This awesome and familiar verse can be so frustrating, especially on this journey toward healing.  As you know, we have been wholeheartedly seeking the Lord for my healing for...well...5 years now.  We've really been believing him for miraculous healing for at least half that time.  And even though two point five years is nothing compared to the years Caleb waited to inherit the mountains, the years Abraham and Sarah waited to have Isaac, the years the world waited for Jesus, it's enough time to go through some wrestling with God. 

But at some point during the last few months, I stopped wrestling with Him.  And that's not good.  I came to a place of bitterness.  It was the kind that sneaks up on you and everyone around you.  You don't wear it on the surface, but it taints everything you do, think, feel.  It saps the joy and emotion from prayer and worship.  It causes you to live shallowly, getting by with half-true emotions because the REAL emotions are too ugly to let loose.

I got to the point where I didn't actually care about "dwelling in the house of the LORD" to simply "behold the beauty of the LORD."  Why would I want to dwell with a God who promises healing but doesn't deliver?  Why should I be so enraptured by Him when He subjects me to such physical pain?  (I don't believe that the Lord actually causes sickness, but these are the honest thoughts I can think when I am losing the mental battle that goes with being sick.)  "Let's face it people, I'm only sticking with God so that I can get my healing.  But until He delivers, I'm gonna be bitter."

I didn't know these thoughts were so strong in me until I had an unexpected flare-up about a month and a half ago...right before VBS started.  Nothing had changed treatment-wise, and yet, one day I woke up in more pain than I had felt in months.  All of a sudden, it looked like my VBS experience would be tainted or worse--stolen--by my sickness.  So I let God have it.  I thought things toward him that I would never have the courage to say out loud.  

A few weeks went by and I told people about my struggles, and several prayed for me.  But I hadn't really been healed of that emotional damage...probably because I hadn't truly repented of my sin. Then we had another prayer meeting at church, to pray for God's healing power to take hold in our church.  And as I sat there getting ready to prayer with those dear friends, I knew that I just couldn't.  If I had prayed for God's healing power to move in our church so that others could be made whole and His glory could be known, it would have been hogwash.  I didn't care about that, I was just sick of being sick.

Eventually as the group started worshipping and praying, one Scripture became so true to me: "the kindness of God leads you to repentance" (Romans 2:4).  It was as if suddenly I felt the weight of my sinful heart, and I actually FELT sorry.  I wasn't just forcing repentance.  I FELT it, and I suddenly knew again that NOTHING--not even healing from Lyme Disease--was sweeter than communion with the Holy God, who gave Himself to make a way for me to play at his feet in the Holy of Holies.  And I had been living as if He were an idol, formed by my own will to do my own bidding.

And suddenly, I wanted to be healed, but not more than I wanted to be with God.  I wanted His presence above all else, because everything is worthless--even healing--if God is not in it.  And I am so thankful that, in his kindness, he led me to repentance.  He has been healing the wounds in my spirit, and the wounds in my family, ever since  

I don't know why repentance came at that moment, or why it came when I wasn't even looking for it.  But isn't that like our God, who, when we were still sinners, died for us?  We weren't looking for him, and yet he snuck into our world in the night, only to forever change everything we had ever known.  This indeed is our God.

 Exodus 33:15-16

"If Your presence does not go with us, do not lead us up from here.  For how then can it be known that I have found favor in Your sight, I and Your people?  Is it not by Your going with us, so that we, I and Your people, may be distinguished from all the other people who are upon the face of the earth?"

...and...WE'RE BACK! And going to Nevada!

It's been so long since our last post, I'm not sure where to begin... A LOT has happened in the last two months.  Our church's all-out, hold-nothing-back VBS, Corrie running childcare at a pastor's retreat, family trip to the mountains, old friends coming to town, and...doctor's visits!!!

While there is MUCH to tell about all of that other stuff, I'm sure that most of you are most curious about my health updates.  Makes sense, seeing as the update part of that has been pretty much non-existent for the last couple months.  So let the updating begin!

First of all, if you don't remember or don't know, the last 6 months have been some of the best in a LONG time.  It feels like my body has been given back to me after months of feeling trapped and bound.  In fact, I had a doctor visit about 6 weeks ago where we found an amazing number...my SED rate was a 15!!!!  Now, I know that that means nothing to most of us in this world, so let me explain.  A normal SED rate, which is determined via standard blood test, has a maximum somewhere in the teens, maybe 13, maybe 15, I don't really remember.  For much of the last five years, my SED rate has been in the 80s and maybe even HIGHER!!  So 15 is pretty much a miracle.

What that means is that my inflammation is WAY down and under control...almost normal.  This is excellent because prolonged inflammation can open the door to numerous disease processes to take over in the body.  Without that inflammation, my body can work on REAL healing, and I can actually start gaining weight and absorbing nutrients!

Here's the BIG news.  Because of my feeling better, our doctor is confident that my body is ready to handle ozone treatment.  If you remember several months back, this was something that Corrie and I asked for prayer about, that ozone would be something that I could handle.  It really has so much potential for healing not just with Lyme disease, but also with many different autoimmune conditions (like arthritis!), and we have been eager to try it.

Well, now we are going to.  Our doctor has referred us to a clinic in Carson City where the pioneer of the medical use of ozone is practicing.  This is going to be quite the adventure!  They want me to go up there and stay for three weeks, during which time I will be receiving various treatments daily, Monday through Friday.  The treatments will include several types, one of which is joint injections.  Injecting ozone straight into arthritic joints has often resulted in PERMANENT healing.

We are so thankful to have friends and family like you all, who have stood with us over these last months and years.  We want to let you know all of our needs so that you can know exactly how to pray for us and even participate in meeting the needs.

1) The three week treatment time will cost somewhere around $8000.  The minimum cost at the clinic will be $4550, which includes the initial examination and the three weeks of daily treatment.  Joint injections and medications, however, are not included in the $4550.  The joint injections cost $250 per shot, and, given that many of my joints are arthritic, I may receive several of these.

We also need to pay basic living expenses while we are there (gas, food, etc.).  The major cost here will be lodging at a local hotel or condo...we want to find a place with a kitchen!

2) That leads me to the next need.  We need a place to stay!  We are definitely researching different options in Carson City, Reno, and Tahoe, but if any of you has or knows someone who has a place in the Tahoe area that we would be able to stay at, it would help A LOT!  It would cut out a lot of our cost while offering a bit more of a home for us (rather than three weeks in a hotel room).

3) If any of you want to join us in Tahoe for any length of time, we would love it.  Obviously that would depend on where we stay, especially if it's in someone's cabin.  We can't just invite people at will to stay in someone else's house.  But, assuming everything works out with our lodging, we definitely want others to come and be a part of the time. We are still in the process of deciding if Corrie and Rebecca will come for just part or all of the time, since that would be a long time to take off of work for Corrie. And we aren't comfortable with my being there alone because we don't know exactly how I will be feeling from day to day, and I may just need help driving and cooking and such.  But even if we all go, we would love to have people join us to help break up the stay.

This feels like a lot to ask for from our friends and family...even a lot to ask for from the Lord. But we know that He will go before us and pave the way if this is what He wants us to do. It is so awesome when He works things together and pieces just fall into place. And we want you to all be part of the process of bringing these needs before Him.

Its also awkward to start laying out numbers of how much we need, and it is not our intention to place a burden on anyone. Really we want those numbers out there so that when the Lord meets those needs, we can all see just how GREAT a GOD He is!  We also know that at certain times, the Lord leads us to help others in their need. And when he does so, it is joyful and exciting.  It's our prayer that any help we get leads to incredible joy, excitement, and blessing for those who give it.

We love you all.