Saturday, July 11, 2015

Healing My Sin, Healing Our Marriage

We were sitting together, Corrie and I, in our room not sure how this talk was going to go.  We had had a bit of a fight the night before and had gone all day without having a chance to sit down and work it through.  So after the girls went to bed, we both knew that we had to work it out.  We want to be close to each other and just letting things fade into the distance is not the way to get there.

Neither is digging in my heals, fighting for my rights, and feeding my anger.  But I wanted tonight to be different.  That's why we were sitting in our room instead of the living room.  I sensed that Jesus would do something good, and I wanted him to do it in our room.  I wanted his healing to fill our space, to change the atmosphere there from what had happened the night before.

As we were sitting facing each other, Corrie cautiously, but lovingly and hope-fully, told me that I had gotten really angry.  It didn't seem like me.  It scared her.

There it is.  Anger?!  Wait.  I'm not an angry person.  Most people who know me would say the same.

This had been coming up somewhat frequently for us over the last several months.  And to be honest, I either didn't see it or didn't categorize it as anger because, in my mind, it was justified.  How can I be unrighteously angry if I DESERVE to be angry?


But something broke that night.  I don't know what caused it.  I can't give you a trigger or a formula:  If you are struggling with x then do y and it will be fixed.

Just seek Jesus for his presence and power.  Spend time with him.  Talk to him.  Listen when he talks to you.  Then rivers of living water will flow from you, and you won't have to work up holy living.  It just happens.

It doesn't matter what the struggle is.  Sickness, bondage, hurt, sin, anger, marriage stuff.  Be with Jesus.  Any answers outside of his real, near presence are incomplete.

That night, when Corrie shared her heart with me, it finally broke through what had been my hardened walls. 

I had hurt her.  I had HURT her.  My love.  My beautiful wife.  My best friend. 

I had hurt her, and that fact mattered more, finally, than all of my rights and hurts and thoughts and reasons for justifying my anger.  I had wounded her heart.  That fact broke my heart.

And I cried in front of her.

It wasn't for show.  It wasn't to impress her with how sorry I felt.  It wasn't anything I tried to do.  It just happened because, like I said, "Rivers of living water will flow."


After these tears Corrie and I together went through a process of dealing with sin that we learned at the marriage conference we went to several months ago.  It involves going through some steps of repentance and actively resisting the sin.

A Fresh Perspective on Sin

But it's so beautifully different than the way I had thought about sin growing up.  When I saw something in me that I wished were different (anger, depression, lust, general melancholy, fear of people...especially NEW people!), it became a huge source of self-doubt, self-deprecation, and an endless spiral of guilt and shame.

I'd ask questions like, "What's wrong with me?  I've been a Christian for however many years and still can't get it right."

Or there's the questions to God.  "What's wrong with you?  You say you're powerful but you still can't get me right!"

This is what happens when we don't know, or don't believe, who we are--who we've become under the finished work of Jesus on the cross.  It doesn't matter how crappy I feel about myself, the Bible says that if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has gone and the new has come.

Romans 7 says that it is no longer I who sin, but the sin that is in me that sins.  John 1 says that, because I believe, I have the right to be a child of God.  His DNA courses through my veins now.  And isn't it in Peter where we see that we're kings and priests?  "A royal priesthood."

Sin is not my identity anymore.  It used to be...but then...Jesus!  Now, the sin, the anger, is an enemy.  I am not on its team.  Therefore, I come against it in the authority that he has given me over every power of darkness (Luke 10:19), and in the presence and power of Holy Spirit, because "greater is he in me than he that is in the world" (1 John 4:4).

As I repented of my anger toward Corrie and we, together, fought back against the sin, we asked the Father to send it away from me and to replace it with something from his heart instead.  When we asked him what that something was that he wanted to exchange for the anger, he showed me a vision.

Visions from God's Heart

I saw myself standing in a small square of land surrounded on four sides by tall stone walls.  It was like a hollow tower.  As enemies attacked this tower and stones were knocked out of the walls, I would scramble to try to repair the holes quickly before any flaming arrows could get through.

I knew that these walls were anger.  I was using anger as a way of protecting myself from anything that could hurt me.  Specifically with Corrie, getting angry and staying there was a way of isolating myself from real closeness with her.  My anger cut her off from me while it was telling me that it was actually the only way to get what I want in our marriage.

In that anger, my focus was on myself and nothing close to caring for her.


Then, suddenly, the walls were gone, and I was standing in the same place alone, with no walls this time.  I could see now that I was on a hill with a battle going on all around.  Covering me was this armor that kept flickering in and out between armor and the body of a lion.  When it was armor, it was solid and very visible.  But when it switched to the lion it became more transparent, almost superimposed over me.  It looked as if both the lion and I were occupying the same space without one replacing the other.

When arrows would hit me now, it didn't matter.  They were immediately extinguished (if they had been on fire), and they fell right off.  Who needs walls when Jesus lives in you?  Who needs to fight for your own rights, to dig in your heals to make sure you get your due when the Spirit of God is your protection, your very identity?

Psalm 16:8 "I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken."

Psalm 62:6 "He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken.

Proverbs 28:1 "But the righteous are bold as a lion."

The Father showed me that this is the man he made me to be for my wife.  A man with no walls of angry self-protection...firstly in our marriage.  My protection is the armor he gives me, which is his very presence inside of me, the presence of the Lion of the Tribe of Judah.  And his armor does not divide us.  It unites the two into one.  It both keeps my heart strong to love, and it fights for and protects her heart.

After the vision stopped, and I told it to Corrie.  I immediately had thoughts of doubt and accusation come at me.

"This isn't real.  You're not hearing from God."

"This doesn't mean anything.  You haven't changed yet, so why should you expect to change now?"

"Corrie isn't impressed with this.  She won't believe that you'll change.  You've hurt her so much already."

As I was telling Corrie these thoughts, out of nowhere I heard in my spirit a lion roar.  It was quite loud and powerful and right above me, like Jesus was standing over me.  As it roared, I felt a warmth flowing down my head and back, almost like his breath.

Sure, the devil may prowl like a roaring lion, speaking lies and defeat and death.  But Jesus is stronger.  Jesus is more powerful.  His roar is louder and gets the final say.  What he stakes a claim to, no power of hell is allowed to have.  Jesus, the Lion of the Tribe of Judah, can have my sin, my anger.  He can have my emotions.  He can have my mind.  And he can have my marriage and the woman I love.

I'm done with you, anger.

13 comments:

  1. My life is beautiful thanks to you, Mein Helfer. Lord Jesus in my life as a candle light in the darkness. You showed me the meaning of faith with your words. I know that even when I cried all day thinking about how to recover, you were not sleeping, you were dear to me. I contacted the herbal center Dr Itua, who lived in West Africa. A friend of mine here in Hamburg is also from Africa. She told me about African herbs but I was nervous. I am very afraid when it comes to Africa because I heard many terrible things about them because of my Christianity. god for direction, take a bold step and get in touch with him in the email and then move to WhatsApp, he asked me if I can come for treatment or I want a delivery, I told him I wanted to know him I buy ticket in 2 ways to Africa To meet Dr. Itua, I went there and I was speechless from the people I saw there. Patent, sick people. Itua is a god sent to the world, I told my pastor about what I am doing, Pastor Bill Scheer. We have a real battle beautifully with Spirit and Flesh. Adoration that same night. He prayed for me and asked me to lead. I spent 2 weeks and 2 days in Africa at Dr Itua Herbal Home. After the treatment, he asked me to meet his nurse for the HIV test when I did it. It was negative, I asked my friend to take me to another nearby hospital when I arrived, it was negative. I was overwhite with the result, but happy inside of me. We went with Dr. Itua, I thank him but I explain that I do not have enough to show him my appreciation, that he understands my situation, but I promise that he will testify about his good work. Thank God for my dear friend, Emma, I know I could be reading this now, I want to thank you. And many thanks to Dr. Itua Herbal Center. He gave me his calendar that I put on my wall in my house. Dr. Itua can also cure the following diseases ... Cancer, HIV, Herpes, Hepatitis B, Inflammatory Liver, Diabetis, Fribroid,Parkinson's disease,Inflammatory bowel disease ,Fibromyalgia, recover your ex. You can contact him by email or whatsapp, @ .. drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com, phone number .. + 2348149277967 .. He is a good doctor, talk to him kindly. I'm sure he will also listen to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. REAL AND GENUINE ONLINE LOVE SPELL CASTER TO BRING EX LOVER URGENTLY CALL OR WHATSAPP +2348118829899

      I want to use this opportunity I have to say a big thanks to Dr Great for getting back my ex husband. I’m Linda Gibson from USA, after 7 years of marriage my husband left me for another woman I did whatever I could to get him back but all I did was in vain I was sad, but I didn’t lose hope of getting him back because I had faith in God. So I search online on how to get my husband back, and I came across a post of Dr Great of how he helped a lady to get back her ex, I contacted him and told him the pain I was going through, he told me what to do and I did it, then he casted a love spell for me 48 hours later my husband called me and told me he is sorry for what he did and that he misses me very much, later that day he came back home and beg for my forgiveness, since then our love grew stronger. For the marvelous things Dr Great has done for me it would be unfair for me not to let the whole world know that such a powerful spell caster do live. If you want to get back your ex fast email Dr Great at infinitylovespell@gmail.com or infinitylovespell@yahoo.com or add him up on WhatsApp +2348118829899 Blog: lindagibson90.blogspot.comview his website http://infinitylovespell.website2.me/






      REAL AND GENUINE ONLINE LOVE SPELL CASTER TO BRING EX LOVER URGENTLY CALL OR WHATSAPP +2348118829899

      I want to use this opportunity I have to say a big thanks to Dr Great for getting back my ex husband. I’m Linda Gibson from USA, after 7 years of marriage my husband left me for another woman I did whatever I could to get him back but all I did was in vain I was sad, but I didn’t lose hope of getting him back because I had faith in God. So I search online on how to get my husband back, and I came across a post of Dr Great of how he helped a lady to get back her ex, I contacted him and told him the pain I was going through, he told me what to do and I did it, then he casted a love spell for me 48 hours later my husband called me and told me he is sorry for what he did and that he misses me very much, later that day he came back home and beg for my forgiveness, since then our love grew stronger. For the marvelous things Dr Great has done for me it would be unfair for me not to let the whole world know that such a powerful spell caster do live. If you want to get back your ex fast email Dr Great at infinitylovespell@gmail.com or infinitylovespell@yahoo.com or add him up on WhatsApp +2348118829899 Blog: lindagibson90.blogspot.comview his website http://infinitylovespell.website2.me/






      REAL AND GENUINE ONLINE LOVE SPELL CASTER TO BRING EX LOVER URGENTLY CALL OR WHATSAPP +2348118829899

      I want to use this opportunity I have to say a big thanks to Dr Great for getting back my ex husband. I’m Linda Gibson from USA, after 7 years of marriage my husband left me for another woman I did whatever I could to get him back but all I did was in vain I was sad, but I didn’t lose hope of getting him back because I had faith in God. So I search online on how to get my husband back, and I came across a post of Dr Great of how he helped a lady to get back her ex, I contacted him and told him the pain I was going through, he told me what to do and I did it, then he casted a love spell for me 48 hours later my husband called me and told me he is sorry for what he did and that he misses me very much, later that day he came back home and beg for my forgiveness, since then our love grew stronger. For the marvelous things Dr Great has done for me it would be unfair for me not to let the whole world know that such a powerful spell caster do live. If you want to get back your ex fast email Dr Great at infinitylovespell@gmail.com or infinitylovespell@yahoo.com or add him up on WhatsApp +2348118829899 Blog: lindagibson90.blogspot.comview his website http://infinitylovespell.website2.me/

      Delete
    2. URGENT AND EFFECTIVE POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER WHO RESTORED HAPPINESS IN MY RELATIONSHIP am here to share with you my life experience on how a great man called Dr gbojie saved me and my marriage.I have been Married & Barren for for 5 years i had no child. i have never been pregnant i was a subject of laughter from my Friends & neighbors, i almost lost my marriage because of this issue.i was so confused that i did not know what to do until i came across this great Dr online and i contacted him at once i was scared weather it was going to work because i never believed things like this before, so i decided to give it a try and i did all what Dr gbojie asked of me and today to my greatest surprise i took in the first time and i gave birth to a bouncing baby boy and now my marriage that was about crashing before is now restored. my husband now love and want me better, Am so happy for everything that have been happening in my life since i met this Dr gbojie .I want to tell all the women/men out there who have a similar situation like mine,that the world is not over YET they should dry up their tears and contact this great man and their problem will be gone or are you also having other problems you can also contact gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com,gbojiespiritualtemple@yahoo.com His spells is for a better life OR call his number +2349066410185 website : http://gbojiespiritualtemple.website2.me 

      Delete
    3. A GREAT SPELL CASTER (DR. EMU) THAT HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX GIRLFRIEND.
      Am so happy to testify about a great spell caster that helped me when all hope was lost for me to unite with my ex-girlfriend that I love so much. I had a girlfriend that love me so much but something terrible happen to our relationship one afternoon when her friend that was always trying to get to me was trying to force me to make love to her just because she was been jealous of her friend that i was dating and on the scene my girlfriend just walk in and she thought we had something special doing together, i tried to explain things to her that her friend always do this whenever she is not with me and i always refuse her but i never told her because i did not want the both of them to be enemies to each other but she never believed me. She broke up with me and I tried times without numbers to make her believe me but she never believed me until one day i heard about the DR. EMU and I emailed him and he replied to me so kindly and helped me get back my lovely relationship that was already gone for two months.
      Email him at: Emutemple@gmail.com
      Website: http://emutemple.website2.me/
      Call or Whats-app him: +2347012841542

      Delete
  2. I am bold enough among many others to state that there is now a potent cure to this sickness but many are unaware of it. I discovered that I was infected with the virus 3 months ago, after a medical check-up. My doctor told me and I was shocked, confused and felt like my world has crumbled. I was dying slowly due to the announcement of my medical practitioner but he assured me that I could leave a normal life if I took my medications (as there was no medically known cure to Herpes). I went from churches to churches but soon found that my case needed urgent attention as I was growing lean due to fear of dying anytime soon. In a bid to look for a lasting solution to my predicament, I sought for solutions from the herbal world. I went online and searched for every powerful trado-medical practitioner that I could severe, cos I heard that the African Herbs had a cure to the Herpes syndrome. It was after a little time searching the web that I came across one Dr Itua(A powerful African Herbal Doctor), who offered to help me at a monetary fee. I had to comply as this was my final bus-stop to receiving a perfect healing. My last resolve was to take my life by myself, should this plan fail. At last it worked out well. He gave me some steps to follow and I meticulously carried out all his instructions. Last month, to be precise, I went back to the hospital to conduct another test and to my amazement, the results showed that negative,Dr Itua Can As Well Cure The Following Desease…Cancer,Hiv,Herpes, Hepatitis B,Liver Inflammatory,Diabetis,Fribroid,,Non Hodgkin Lymphoma,Skin Cancer,Uterine Cancer,Prostate Cancer Dercum,Infertility,fibromyalgia,Get Your Ex Back,Als,SYPHILLIS,Genetic disease,Epilepsy, Parkinson's disease..You can free yourself of this Herpes virus by consulting this great African Herbal Doctor via this e-mail: drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com or call and whatsapp him on +2348149277967 He will help you and his herb medication is sure. he has the cure on all disease .You can talk to me on INSTAGRAM..tashamoore219....

    ReplyDelete
  3. But Dr. Itua, Traditional Herbal Practitioner in Africa, Have cured for HIV which is extracted from some rare herbals. It is highly potential to cure AIDS 100% without any residue. Dr Itua herbal medicine has already passed various blogs on how he use his powerful herbals to heal all kind of diseases such as. Herpes, HIV, Diabetes, Hepatitis, Epilepsy, also his herbal boost immune system as well. I'm telling this because he uses his herbal medicine to cure me from hepatitis B and HIV, which i have being living for 9 months now with no side effect. The Herbal Medicine is just as good when drinking it although i have to use rest room after drinking it which I do not really care about because i just want to get the virus out of my body, I will recommend Dr Itua to anyone sick out here to contact Dr Itua with this following information.
    Email...drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com
    Whatsapp Or Call...+2348149277967.
    He might be late to respond because he always busy with patent, but he will surely get back to you with positive response.

    ReplyDelete
  4. REAL AND GENUINE ONLINE LOVE SPELL CASTER TO BRING EX LOVER URGENTLY CALL OR WHATSAPP +2348118829899

    I want to use this opportunity I have to say a big thanks to Dr Great for getting back my ex husband. I’m Linda Gibson from USA, after 7 years of marriage my husband left me for another woman I did whatever I could to get him back but all I did was in vain I was sad, but I didn’t lose hope of getting him back because I had faith in God. So I search online on how to get my husband back, and I came across a post of Dr Great of how he helped a lady to get back her ex, I contacted him and told him the pain I was going through, he told me what to do and I did it, then he casted a love spell for me 48 hours later my husband called me and told me he is sorry for what he did and that he misses me very much, later that day he came back home and beg for my forgiveness, since then our love grew stronger. For the marvelous things Dr Great has done for me it would be unfair for me not to let the whole world know that such a powerful spell caster do live. If you want to get back your ex fast email Dr Great at infinitylovespell@gmail.com or infinitylovespell@yahoo.com or add him up on WhatsApp +2348118829899 Blog: lindagibson90.blogspot.comview his website http://infinitylovespell.website2.me/

    ReplyDelete
  5. I was diagnosed of herpes virus, I have tried all possible means to get cure but all my effort proved abortive, until a friend of mine introduced me to a herbal doctor called Chief Dr Lucky, who prepare herbal medicine to cure all kind of diseases including herpes virus (Herpes), when i contacted this herbal doctor via email, he sent me herpes virus herbal medicine via courier service, when i received the herbal medicine he gave me step by step instructions on how to apply it, when i applied it as instructed i was totally cured from the virus within 3 weeks of usage. Contact this great herbal doctor today to get your cure. 
    Via Email : chiefdrlucky@gmail.com
    Whats App : +2348132777335
    website : http://chiefdrluckysolutionhome.website2.me/    

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hello everyone i am happy to say that i was cure from HIV/AIDS by Dr Padman with his herbal medications after i tested positive july 2016 and ever since then i have been on medications to extend my living on earth. One faithful day i was searching on line if i could get some tips on how to cure my illness and i saw a comment on how Dr Padman cure HIV with herbs,i was surprise and i contact him on the email they provided on the comment and i explain my problem to him and he also prepare the herbs and send to me which i use for one week as i was instructed by him and after 2weeks i went to hospital for checkup and i tested Negative and i am fully cured from the disease and i am so greatful to Dr Padman.You can also reach Dr Padman on his padmanlovespell@yahoo.com , https://twitter.com/padman_dr. https://padmanspell.com WhatsApp +19492293867 https://padmanspell.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. URGENT AND EFFECTIVE POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER WHO RESTORED HAPPINESS IN MY RELATIONSHIP am here to share with you my life experience on how a great man called Dr gbojie saved me and my marriage.I have been Married & Barren for for 5 years i had no child. i have never been pregnant i was a subject of laughter from my Friends & neighbors, i almost lost my marriage because of this issue.i was so confused that i did not know what to do until i came across this great Dr online and i contacted him at once i was scared weather it was going to work because i never believed things like this before, so i decided to give it a try and i did all what Dr gbojie asked of me and today to my greatest surprise i took in the first time and i gave birth to a bouncing baby boy and now my marriage that was about crashing before is now restored. my husband now love and want me better, Am so happy for everything that have been happening in my life since i met this Dr gbojie .I want to tell all the women/men out there who have a similar situation like mine,that the world is not over YET they should dry up their tears and contact this great man and their problem will be gone or are you also having other problems you can also contact gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com,gbojiespiritualtemple@yahoo.com His spells is for a better life OR call his number +2349066410185 website : http://gbojiespiritualtemple.website2.me 

    ReplyDelete
  8. Words alone is not enough to describe how grateful and happy I am 🙏.my name is TAMMY DORRIS DUFUT am from Belgium. I have been suffering from HERPES $ HYPERTIS B for 9years,until I came across Dr CHUKWU MADU HERBAL HOME who heals me through his powerful traditional African herbs. I was scared at first as I was been scam earlier but I gave it a trial and I was completely heal.. I promise to let the whole world know about this great herbal doctor who helps in changing my life for the better.. you can contact him for all kind of sickness and diseases. God bless you Dr.Chukwu madu herbal home for your powerful hand of healing upon my life 🙌💪... Contact him today: dr.chukwumaduherbalhome@gmail.com. 
    WhatsApp +2347030936239

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is a testimony of a great spell caster 'DR.WEALTHY' who helped me in restoring my love life back. The day my husband left me, things appeared bleak, and the atmosphere was heavy with uncertainties. Everything seemed pale and so I decided to look for help in spell casters who have the capability to bring my ex husband back to me. As envisaged, I went on the internet and as you too have seen in your search for a reliable spell caster, I saw a lot of testimonies being done by spell casters in the recovery of ex husbands and loved ones. Driven by belief in DR.WEALTHY I contacted him and after explaining things to him, he accepted to face the challenges on ground. He did brilliantly well. My ex husband is back to me with more care and affection. I will therefore like to take this opportunity to pay tribute to him for his selfless service to my situation. Commendable, he showed great courage at taking on the daunting task of finding solutions to practically any given problem. Contact him at, wealthylovespell@gmail.com or whatsapp him +2348105150446 visit website http://wealthyspellhome.over-blog.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. Am Laura Mildred by name, i was diagnosed with Herpes 4 years ago i lived in pain with the knowledge that i wasn't going to ever be well again i contacted so many herbal doctors on this issue and wasted a large sum of money but my condition never got better i was determined to get my life back so one day i saw Mr. Morrison Hansen post on how Dr. Emu saved him from Herpes with herbal medicine i contacted Dr. Emu on his Email: Emutemple@gmail.com we spoke on the issue i told him all that i went through and he told me not to worry that everything will be fine again so he prepared the medicine and send it to me and told me how to use it, after 14 days of usage I went to see the doctor for test,then the result was negative, am the happiest woman on earth now thanks to Dr. Emu God bless you. Email him at: Emutemple@gmail.com Call or Whats-app him: +2347012841542 

    ReplyDelete