Pressing on to know the Lord

The Old Testament is hard. It is exciting stories, spread out by chapter upon chapter or book upon book of the LORDs coming punishment, or rebuke, or rules, or how they have broken all the rules. And then the whole second half is prophet after prophet trying their darnedest  to get these people to listen, which they don’t, so then they are conquered.  Several times.

But IN THERE…and you kind of have to trudge through the miry swamps of depressing judgment on city after city to find them…are some incredible promises from the Lord and truths about who He is, and was, and will always be.

This is no news to my husband who LOVES the Minor Prophets and reads ‘em all the time. (Is it my fault that I truly prefer a good Jane Austen novel?) But I’ve had a good craving for more of God’s Word lately, and I figured I may as well stop taking Matt’s word for it, and go read it myself.

I started with Jeremiah which was a BIG mistake. That book is long. I actually looked up at Matt once and said: It HAS to get good toward the end right?

So I powered through and then jumped over to the Minor Prophets. : ) They are probably called Minor because their books are like a song in a minor key.

And I was starting to get desperate for the Lord to give me something out of it. I was coming across lots of good things, and there were certainly promises in there…but nothing was jumping out new for just me.  Then I finally found it in Hosea.

“So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD.
His going forth is as certain as the dawn;
And He will come to us like the rain,
Like the spring rain watering the earth.” Hosea 6:3

Initially I reread the verse simply because I think the first line is beautiful in its repetition and emotion. But as I read it again, things began to jump at me, and I would like to share them.

First, the Lord wants to know us, and wants us to know Him, but it requires pressing. We have to move into it. We have to consciously stand on His word (consciously, not literally) and let go of the world.

Second, pressing through THIS will bring us closer to the Lord. For Hosea, THIS was a nation whose fickle, unfaithful heart was being compared to a harlot. For us, THIS very well could be our own fickleness and wandering heart, or it could be promises of health that have yet to come…or insert your own stuff that doesn’t gel with how your spirit cries out for it to be.

Third, the Lord’s moving is certain. As certain as the sun…rising in the east…tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme….Beauty and the ---Wait a second! Walt, how did you get in here?

We don’t usually, or healthily, go to sleep at night worrying that the sun won’t rise. If anything we are hoping that the Lord extends night so we can sleep longer  ; )  We can be confident in sunrise, and confident in the Lord.

Fourth, oh lovely, lovely spring rain. Here on the good ‘ol West Coast there is no such thing as seasons. And this year we totally skipped winter. But it is not the same elsewhere. Matt and I lived in New York for 1 winter, and I’m good with that for a while. Snow is pretty, but then in melts, and gets dirty and slushy and everything looks dead. And having grown up in California, we were ready for spring in, you know, February…and it didn’t come ‘til April. But when it came, it was brilliant.

In fact, side note: Spring had not sprung on Easter Sunday when I went into labor with Rebecca…and then when we emerged from the hospital 2 days later…EVERYTHING was blooming. I think it was ‘cause of Rebecca. The earth was celebrating.

The verse suggests that THIS is a season, and as sure as spring comes – eventually – a new season with the Lord will come.

I know what you are thinking ‘cause I think it too: When?

I don’t know.

But another great promise-filled book says this:

Behold, the former things have come to pass, now I declare new things; Before they spring forth I proclaim them to you. Isaiah 42:9

His promises have come true before (see: Jesus), and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever – so we know He is a keeper of promises.

If He did not declare the things that are to come, we might not recognize that it’s HIM when they happen. And this is how we press in: We take those two verses, as well as any others that the Lord causes to pop out to you, and we hold them up a little higher than our circumstances and we declare (out loud if you want to) that THESE are truer than the THIS we are living in.

~ Ever watching, and working on being ever-willing, Corrie

Follow up to our healing prayer night

On Sunday, April 15th I had another opportunity to speak at the local Teen Challenge men's center.  As the date was approaching, and I was asking the Lord what he would have me speak about, I felt that he simply wanted me to speak from where we are in life right now.  This was only two days after our church's Healed and Made Whole prayer night where we prayed for any and all who are sick to be healed.

What a wonderful night that was!  Corrie and I were both part of prayer teams and we were blessed to be able to pray healing, deliverance, and freedom over many dear friends and acquaintances.  I have told several people that there is something extra that rises up within me when I am praying for healing for others.  The same goes for Corrie.  Our hearts resonate with this ministry, and it is our sincere desire that God uses us in this way for years and years to come.

I also received prayer for healing that night but as of yet have not noticed any distinguishable improvement.  In fact, I've received prayer for healing many times since getting sick, and I am still not better.  And this brings me back to what was on my heart to share at Teen Challenge: the time between God's promise and the fulfillment of that promise.  What do we do when we pray for healing fervently and faith-filledly and victoriously, but then nothing happens?  Do we give up and assume that it must not be God's will to heal me?  Do we pray again?  Do we wait?

This is a question that I've wrestled with many times in the last 5 years.  It is the hardest thing in the world to believe that Jesus both can and wants to heal me when I currently see no healing taking place.  No wonder the argument, "Sometimes it is not God's will to heal.  He must be using this for a greater purpose.  He wants to bring glory to himself by refining you through your sickness"--No wonder that argument sounds so appealing!  When we believe in something over and over again with no visible results, it's only natural to think that maybe we're wrong.

But what about the promises?  Jeremiah 1:12 says that God watches over his word to perform it.  And then, 2 Corinthians tells us that all of the promises of God are "Yes" in Christ.  Given these and many other assurances in the Bible that God will indeed perform his word, we should hold on to every promise that he has for us until it comes.  These promises are our very inheritance as children of God.  They are the links that connect us to the Kingdom.  And when they are fulfilled, they are the signs to the world that the Kingdom of God is really here.  So shouldn't we fight for them?

In my honest evaluation of the Scriptures, I can't find enough compelling evidence to make me believe that God DOESN'T want to heal me.  Everything points the other direction.  Of course, maybe I'm wrong.  But the things that make me think I'm wrong are experience and my own wonderings, not Scripture.  And, as I've said before, I think that we have to hold to the Bible as truth even above our sensory experience...otherwise...well, that's another topic.

So, all that said, I believe God has given Corrie and me promises for healing, both through his Word and through others...but the fulfillment hasn't come.  The story I spoke about at Teen Challenge recently is from 2 Kings 18-19 when Sennacherib, the King of Assyria, takes the entire northern kingdom of Israel captive, proceeds to take over most of the cities of the southern kingdom of Judah, and basically surrounds Jerusalem with his massive armies, ready to wipe out the city and its king, Hezekiah.

Basically, Sennacherib sends messengers to yell threats and accusations against God, saying he won't rescue them, and against Hezekiah, saying that he has lied to the people in telling them that they should trust God for deliverance.  He then makes a compelling offer to the people: Resist me and die, or give in to me and enjoy a better life than you've even had before.  Hezekiah hears this, gets freaked out, and seeks a word from God.  God says that Sennacherib won't even touch the city and will return to his own home, leaving Jerusalem and the people of Judah in peace.

BUT that doesn't happen...at least immediately.  Sennacherib threatens again with a letter, so Hezekiah takes the letter to the temple and spreads it before the Lord, basically saying, "Hello!  You said this guy was going to leave!  He's still here and more dangerous than ever!"  Long story short:  God tells Hezekiah the same thing as before, and then slaughters the Assyrian army, and Sennacherib goes home never to bother Judah again.

I think that this story is exactly where Corrie and I are.  We are holding fast to a promise from the Lord for healing and deliverance from this form of bondage.  But the enemy hasn't retreated yet.  It's still there, knocking at our front door.  So where do we go?  If we keep looking out over the walls of the city to the massed armies, we tend to only fear and worry and doubt.  We start to wonder that maybe God doesn't have the answer we need.  So we've GOT to run to the temple!  We have GOT to get into the presence of the Lord and present these threats to him over and over and over and over so that he can quiet our spirit, whisper his words of promise and of life to us, and give us strength to keep going until the enemy flees.  And we know that he WILL flee.


P.S.

One last thought: I just re-stumbled upon a verse the other day:  Deuteronomy 7:22-23: "And the LORD your God will drive out those nations before you little by little; you will be unable to destroy them at once, lest the beasts of the field become too numerous for you.  But he LORD your God will deliver them over to you, and will inflict defeat upon them until they are destroyed."

Maybe sometimes there is a delay in the promise because we are not yet strong enough to receive the answer immediately.  Complete instant victory might sometimes result in weak Christians.  Perhaps we have to go through a period of fighting and driving out the enemies slowly so that we won't be overcome by the beasts of pride, complacence, self-reliance that can creep in when victory is too easy.

Most recent doctor visit...back on Good Friday

So it has now been two weeks since our most recent doctor's visit, and I am just now posting the update on it.  Sorry for the huge delay, but we have been pretty busy these past couple weeks with Rebecca's birthday extravaganza-ness, writing various things for our church's upcoming VBS, speaking again at Teen Challenge, praying for healing at our church, etc.  Oh...and we got sick...and I pulled my back muscles.

But THAT'S good news!  I was actually able to try something physically hard enough that I pulled a muscle!  While it is definitely less than fun, you have now idea how good it feels to be ABLE to pull a muscle...strange I know.

So what's going on with us healthwise?  Well, at our visit a couple weeks ago, our doctor was pleased to see the condition I'm in.  So much so that he is having me start up some more aggressive detoxification.  This is wonderful news to me.  It's been so frustrating to have to be so cautious with treatment because of my body not being able to handle it.  But now that my massive systemic inflammation is somewhat under control, it's like an open door to go in and clean house.

In addition to regular exercise on my recumbent stationary bike, my doctor is also having me take several detoxification remedies...PLUS (this is exciting to me) he wants me to start on another IV treatment in about a week or so.  This will be in addition to my IV Amino Acid sessions, which we've reduced to once a week.  The IV treatment is something called phosphatidylcholine.  That's a huge word for a special kind of lipid that is used by nearly every cellular membrane in our bodies.  Not just the membrane around the whole cell, but also membranes around various organelles within each cell.  What does it do, you ask.  Well, let me tell you...

Phosphatidylcholine (PC) has recently been being used for many many conditions, mostly chronic illnesses.  When someone is chronically sick, their cell membranes become damaged and begin to malfunction.  When this happens, cells start to do things all wrong, like letting in the bad stuff, keeping in the bad stuff, and keeping out the good stuff.  This not only disrupts the body's natural healthy functioning on nearly every level, but it can also prevent various medicines from working as well as they could and should.  Also, when the membranes aren't functioning properly, cells can't expel the bacteria/viruses/parasites and their resultant toxins that have bored their way inside.

So this PC presents a very powerful potential to facilitate healing in all sorts of ways.  Thank Jesus for leading us to a doctor who understands so many different treatment options and is not afraid to use whatever is helpful, drugs or natural.

In addition to this, we are doing another wave of bug-killing stuff that I had done before, but wasn't able to tolerate.  My body reacted too strongly with pain and inflammation.  This time around, I'm doing much better.  I feel reactions, but they subside, and are not debilitating as they once were.

We are currently set to see the doctor again in two weeks from tomorrow, after I've had my first round of the new IV.  I plan on posting more then to let you all know how it's going.

Also, it's my goal to write a post to follow up on our church's recent prayer night, my recent Teen Challenge visit, and whatever else God gives me to say.  Hopefully I'll do this by the end of the weekend...so stay tuned.

By the way, we would like some prayer for these things:
1) Please pray that, as I am on Prednisone, my body will be greatly helped by it and not suffer any of the sometimes harmful side-effects.
2) Pray also that we will get to a point soon where I will be able to start weaning off of it without noticing that it's even gone.  i.e. My pain and swelling will not go back up, but will stay where they are now and continue to improve even more.
3) Please pray that these new IV's will bring as much healing as they possibly can.
4) Please pray that the Lord provides the means to keep receiving the IV's regularly.
5) Please pray for Corrie, that she will stay strong and be renewed in strength and energy every day, just as the Lord promises in his word.
6) Please pray for Rebecca, that she will stay in good health and be able to see the goodness and REALness of the Lord through mine and Corrie's walk with him through this time.
7) Please pray for our church as we pray for healing, that God would show himself strong on behalf of those whose hearts are loyal to him.

 Thank you all.  We love you and may Jesus walk closer to you, speak louder to you, and draw more of you to himself than he ever has thus far

*note from Corrie: Several posts ago Matt asked for prayer that we would form relationships with the doctors and staff at the office we visit, and I want to praise the Lord that He has really paved a way for that. A few days ago Matt needed to call the office to ask a question, and as soon as he said "Hi, my name is Matt Hallock," the nurse on the other end said "Oh hey Matt! How are you feeling? Better than the other day?" I thought that was really cool. In an office shared by about 4 or 5 doctors and who knows how many patients, Matt's determination and strength, given to him by the Lord, are making him stand out. Lets pray that those relationships continue.

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Taste and See!

A few weeks ago my brother visited from Japan. It was so awesome to get to see him as the Pacific Ocean never seems so large as when you have a brother, a sister, and three precious (did I say precious? Maybe I meant precocious J) nephews on the other side of it.

While he was here, several of us siblings and their spouses, (and in Candace’s case, just her spouse since she is awesomely directing Narnia in Hollister!) went out to an incredible dinner at the Inn at Tres Pinos. Conversation funny, laughter…all that jazz, but right now I’m talking about the FOOD.

OMG guys the food. Even just the olive oil that we dipped our bread in was awesome. The bread was awesome. And it came in little fly fishing-esque baskets. And when we were done with our entrees and the waiter asked if we wanted a dessert menu, we all tried our best to look modest and in control of our stomachs, but the façade did not last long. I had the mousse. Everyone else had crème brulee.

*note: this is not a review or an ad. But seriously, go there.

It was a meal so good, that it took a few days to stop thinking about. And during those days that I couldn’t stop thinking about it, an analogy came to my mind. I was an English Major. This is what we do.

In these last years since Matt got sick, there has been a rising in both our spirits to see more of the Lord, to experience more of Him. Not in a crazy way necessarily, although I wouldn’t say no to some miracles, but also in a deeper, more intimate, conversational life with the Lord.

Now here is where the analogy came in. What if I went to the Inn at Tres Pinos, and the owner/chef came out to my table and said: “Just so you know, anything here is yours. Free. You can come as often as you like, stay as long as you like, and nothing in my restaurant is off limits to you”. Ok, maybe this is more of a fantasy than an analogy.

One thing is for sure, I would be back. And while the Farfalle del Mar was amazing, I wouldn’t just order that to-go every time I went there, I would try everything on that menu. And I would hang out. I’d get to know everyone else who frequents the place. And if I walked in one day and the chef poked his head out and said: “I made something specifically for you tonight Corrie!” I wouldn’t respond: “no thanks, I’ll just stick with the farfalle” I’d try it! Eventually I’d walk in there, refuse the menu with a flip of my hand and say: “Tell him Corrie is here, and I’ll have whatever he thinks I’d like” ‘Cause I trust the chef. ‘Cause I imagine that everything he makes is good.

The Lord has a lot of things for us to try in Him in our lives with Him. He is always interested in showing us more of Himself and leading us to new things. This will, of course, lead to areas that need stretching and growth, but it will always be good. And I think He wants us to dig in and ask Him for it. He provides the menu, and gives us the freedom to choose. We could just eat the same meal every time we go to the restaurant, but there is more flavor to be had. And eventually even the best farfalle would start to taste too familiar and even boring after a while.

It doesn’t read like: “Dear Lord, today I’ll have the patience with a side of Christ-like love” rather its: “Lord lead me into what you would have for me. If that requires growth and repentance, I’m ready for it, or I’ll at least hang on. Show me Your heart for those around me. Show me how to love them like You do, and how to act in that. I just want to know You and be known by You, and be used by You”.

Psalm 34:8 O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusts in Him.

A long awaited post...

So first of all, I want to apologize to all of our faithful family, friends, followers, and fans out there who have been eagerly checking our blog daily, just wishing--wishing upon a star--that there would be a new post.  And for the past few weeks, you have unalterably been met with disappointment...until NOW.

But seriously, we know that this blog has been a blessing to many of you.  And it and you have been a blessing to us.  So...sorry about the long interval between posts.  But, that said, it's time to move on...

The past few weeks have been good, interesting.  You may remember that shortly after starting this blog, a couple months ago now, I started taking a low dose of Prednisone to help relieve my joints and the rest of my body from inflammation.  This has allowed me to go after all of my underlying infections more aggressively without suffering from the usually increased inflammation that comes from the infection die-off.  So that's a very good thing.  Also, I have continued receiving IV Amino Acids and minerals over the last few weeks, and those have been very beneficial.  I always notice an increase in strength and energy and a decrease in pain right after receiving those.

The effect of all of this is that I have been feeling better lately than I have in months.  Maybe even reaching a year now.  I have been able to leave the house with relative ease, cook dinner, do the dishes, go to church events, CHANGE REBECCA'S DIAPERS!  I know it sounds weird, but that is such a huge blessing and privilege.  You don't really realize it until you go for months without being able to do it because your hands hurt too much.  And Rebecca actually gets excited for Dadda to do it.

Also, I've been exercising on our stationary bike, ranging from once a day to once every other day, depending on how my knees feel after each workout.

That's how I'm feeling, in a nutshell.  I could go into more detail and describe some more things I'm doing, but we have another doctor appointment this Friday, and we plan to write more extensively about all of that.  The main reason I wanted to post this today is that I feel God has put some things on my heart.

We've tried to be abundantly forthright in conveying our beliefs about healing.  The overwhelming evidence from the Bible suggests that Jesus is our healer, and just as he healed hundreds when he walked the earth physically, he wants to heal thousands in our day through his Spirit.  I know we all have experiences that tell us otherwise.  We ourselves are sick, our loved ones are sick, we've even LOST people to sickness.  How then can we really believe God...I mean ACTUALLY BELIEVE with full conviction...for our healing?

The best answer I can come up with for now is that we must fight to hold on to the Bible as truth in the face of contradictory sensory experience.  As our pastor explained a couple weeks ago, we live in a time when the physical world as we know it has not yet ended, a world which is ruled by Satan according to the Bible.  But we also live in a time when the Kingdom of God has already arrived with the life, ministry, death, and resurrection of Jesus.  And as believers, we live seemingly with one foot in each world.

I believe that Jesus has called us to fight to advance his kingdom and all of its benefits further and further into the world that has been under Satan's power for so long.  That includes bringing healing to the sick.  I love 1 John 3:8, "For this reason the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil."

For the last couple of months, Corrie and I have been extremely excited about what God has been stirring in our church.  Back in January, we had a renewed desire to see God start a healing ministry in and through us.  Of course we want my healing, but we also want to see him lift up the weak, diseased, broken, and helpless around us.  One Sunday, after our church service, we were speaking with our pastors sharing our desire with them and saying that we were wanting to get some people together to start asking God to do this in our church.

Come to find out, this very same thing has been on their heart for the last three years, but it wasn't until the week before our conversation when God finally told them to start seeking him diligently for healing.  We were pumped!  We feel as though this desire that we have for a healing ministry is not just from ourselves, but from Him.  And He is giving it to others in our church as well.

Since then we have had two prayer meetings with 15 - 30 people in our church to come before the Lord and ask him to release more of his healing presence and power among us.  What amazing times they have been!  God is really building up faith among us to believe Him for more than we ever have.  And, if His word is true, we can know that he will NOT disappoint.  "I will not give you a stone if you ask for bread."  "Whatever you ask in my name, believe you have received it, and it will be given to you."  "You will do greater works than these."

Our church's "kick-off event" (for lack of a better term for it) in this area of healing is coming up on April 13, when we will invite any and all who need healing in their lives, be it physical, mental, or emotional sickness, to come and receive prayer to be healed and set free.  I believe we will see miracles that day.  And for those who don't receive healing that day, we will continue to fight for it, to chase it down in prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit until it comes.  As Jesus said, "from the days of John the Baptist until now, the Kingdom of Heaven suffers violence, and the violent press in to it."  So we will pursue these marks of His kingdom on behalf of the hurting with a violent passion.

Since this whole thing began back in January, an image has been repeatedly coming to my mind. It's a simple image of Jesus standing on the mountains that overlook Santa Cruz with his sword drawn and fire in his eyes, as though he were ready for battle.  And the sense that I get from this is that he is ready and soon coming to fight for this ground of healing with us.  That he will soon destroy works of Satan in the lives of the sick and hurting in our community.

Does this mean we will stop our current medical treatment?  No, because as long as we are following the leading of the Spirit and submitting every aspect of our pursuit of health to him, I believe that it is all part of the Lord's work in reversing sickness.  However, it does mean that HE is our first and only cure.  If he tells us to stop all treatment and pray, we will.  If he tells us to see this doctor or that doctor, then we will.  But I think that as we pray and believe for healing more and more, we will see more miraculous healings from his hand.