Here I am, back in Carson City looking forward to my third full week of treatment. I just got back here this afternoon after driving Corrie and Rebecca home. They had come for the whole second week...and now I really miss them...A LOT. But my heartsickness doesn't negate the fact that this is still such a huge blessing, a gift from the Lord that we are so immensely thankful for.
I know that we didn't write at all about how last week, the second week went. We were too busy having family time venturing to Tahoe, getting our car fixed, making wonderful new friends, etc. By the way, this is the baseball/Dad in me coming out, but Rebecca and I played whiffle ball for the first time while they were here.
I set her up with one of those fat plastic bats, a little plastic tee, and the ball...and she hit it. BUT....then I thought, "I bet she could hit a real pitch." So we got rid of the tee, and I showed her how to stand and where to put her hands. Backing up to about 7 feet away I told her to watch the ball the whole way, you know the typical baseball advice. I threw her a nice soft underhand pitch and she WHACKED it right back at me! The first pitch she's ever seen in her life, and she makes contact...my budding three year old all star.
But all proud dad moments aside, I wanted to talk about something I could feel happening today on my drive up here. I found myself worrying. I started worrying that this opportunity from the Lord to come and receive such top of the line treatment would just be a flash in the pan that would eventually turn into another "nice try" with no lasting healing value.
Now, this worry is not from a lack of results. I can honestly say that I feel far FAR better right now--after an exhausting weekend of little sleep and a LOT of driving--than I did on the day I walked in for treatment. Good things are happening. My body is being restored. But nonetheless, the worry was there. What if I wasn't receiving enough of a certain kind of treatment during my three week window of opportunity? What if his plan for me when I go home won't be enough and I actually need months of intensive treatment? What if it doesn't stick, and I could have done something differently to prevent that?
Then, the Lord brought to mind Paul's question in Galatians 3:3:
Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh?And I remembered two weeks ago when I was getting hit with fearful thoughts: What if I shouldn't be here? What if they don't know my situation? What if he didn't think I would actually take him up on his offer?
Back then the Lord showed me that it was all OK. It was OK that I had no plan B because he had established my steps. The "what if's" didn't matter because he was directing me the whole way. My fear faded, giving way to faith in his presence and promises. And that stance, of walking through this with no plan of my own, no trying to make anything happen, just simple release into the Lord's hands and following him, has led to spiritual healing and freedom...not to mention a wonderful experience at the clinic.
Now, it's time to choose that path again. I'm choosing to not reason this thing out, to not have a stance of grasping at every little ounce of...whatever I can get for fear that soon it will all be gone, that the well will run dry. The Lord has spoken good things to us about this doctor, this clinic, this whole thing. And those good words from Him stand in direct opposition to these little lies that try to sway me.
And it's funny, I just read Mark 4 when I got here. It's the story where Jesus and some disciples set sail to cross the sea, and he says to his disciples, "Let us cross over to the other side." While they're on their way, a huge storm comes up and starts tossing their boats and filling them with water. Meanwhile, Jesus is sleeping. The disciples freak out and wake him up asking, "Don't you care that we are perishing?" To which Jesus replies, "Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?"
He really drove this story home with me this evening. "I've told you that we'd make it to the other side. What's more, I'm even making the journey with you...AND I'm not even sleeping this time. These little lies washing over into the boat are no match for my power." And as he called out, "Peace, be still!" to the storm, he gently whispers the same thing to me.
He has had his hand in this whole Carson City experience from the beginning...months ago when he told me, "I'm giving you favor here." How will he not see it through to full completion for the greatest good?
We've got to keep our eyes on his promises, on HIS truth. This life, Satan, our flesh all send lies our way that masquerade as truth...but they are powerless in the presence of Jesus.
Galatians 3:5
Therefore He who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you, does He do it by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?Romans 15:13
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
