Faith through the Storm

As many of you know, my health has been somewhat shaky for the past few months.  Obviously it's been a battle of ours for the last 8 years, often marked by times of seeming to get better, only to be followed by times of seeming to get worse.

In the early part of 2015, I had to increase my daily dose of Prednisone from 30mg to 40mg because the pain and inflammation all over my body was getting worse, and we couldn't figure out why. The treatments that have worked for me in the past seemed to actually be exacerbating my symptoms rather than moving us closer to healing.

After a couple months on this higher dose and having done some other treatments to help support my body, we tried unsuccessfully to lower my Prednisone dose back down.  So I had to go back up up to 40mg per day, and I've been at that same dose for the past 4 or 5 months.

While the Prednisone is definitely useful and effective in relieving the Lyme/Arthritis symptoms, namely by keeping my body's pain and swelling down, it is not good to be on such high doses for such long periods of time (about 4 years total).

Now, my body feels like its primary battle is against the Prednisone. I won't go into all the details, but my Prednisone-specific symptoms, which I've never had until recently, are a puffy face, adrenal exhaustion (which I can feel through cyclical waves of fatigue and pain throughout the day), easily breakable bones (especially my ribs), dry eyes, and a couple others.

If true healing is going to take place, the toxicity from the Prednisone needs to be halted. 

We are hoping and believing for me to eventually be free of it all together.  But the last times we have tried to drop my dose, believing Jesus to support my body and free me from Prednisone, it just hasn't happened. My pain got too bad, joints started getting too swollen, and pushing forward in faith to lower and lower doses just wasn't having our hoped-for effect on my body.

There's a line of thinking that offers itself as a temptation. "You're stuck. You're stuck on this drug and it's hurting you, but there's nothing you can do about it. You've prayed and believed for health and freedom from it. You've put your faith in Jehovah Rapha, but it's just not doing anything. He's promised healing, but you're not going to get there."

That's why I'm writing this post, friends. Corrie and I cannot give in to the drawbacks that we've experienced in my health at the cost of believing the Lord's Word. And it's hard because we can start to feel like we can believe something all day long, but it sure would be nice for that belief to pan out in our experience. If Jesus is powerful and real and active, then it should pan out, right?

But if we give up, then it never will.

Faith in the Storm

Jesus has recently been using the short little story from Mark 4 verses 35-41, where he calms the storm after being asleep in the boat for a while, to pull me further into a place of intimacy with him. With these fresh eyes for it, the story is quickly becoming one of my favorites in the gospels.

It begins with Jesus telling his disciples after a long day of ministry, "Let's go to the other side of the sea." So they set out in their boat only to be faced with a huge storm whose waves began to fill the boat. This was clearly not the voyage that the disciples had in mind when they heard the innocuous words, "Let's go to the other side."

In a panic, the disciples went to Jesus and asked him somewhat accusingly if he cared about whether or not they were currently "perishing."

So Jesus woke up from his nap, stood in the boat, and, as though he had it under control all along (which he did), told the storm to be quiet and stop.

But what gets me is his response to the disciples. See, I always read this story and thought that he was a little harsh on them. And I never saw their question, "Teacher, don't you care that we are perishing?" as anything other than an honest, legitimate question coming from some guys who were clearly in danger.

And right! How could Jesus be sleeping at a time like that? It sure doesn't seem like he cared at all! If the disciples DIDN'T go wake him up, then yes, they would have died. So they did the right thing, right?

Why, then, the rebuke from Jesus? "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?"

Wait.

Wasn't there faith in the very act of going to him for help in the storm? But Jesus said that they still had NO faith.

Jesus has said in many ways--in the Bible, to Rebecca, to Corrie, to me, through friends, through prophetic words--"Let's go to the other side of this lake. Let's get you healed."

And we've believed him, we've gone for it. We've said, "Yes Jesus, you are our healer. You can heal me. You WANT to heal me." Even, "You HAVE healed me."

But we're not at the other side yet. We're still in the storm. Learning faith.

So if faith is not what the disciples did, if it's not, "Jesus, don't you care that this disease is still attacking my body? Don't you care that I'm still stuck on Prednisone? Save us!"--then what IS faith for us right now?

Hebrews 11:6  And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

This is more than, "Jesus please heal me, but your will be done, not mine." The verse says that faith believes that God rewards those who seek him. That God answers the cries of their heart. Faith holds on to the fact that our Dad already gave us his Son freely, so how will he not freely give us all things (Romans 8:32).

Faith spends time in the quiet place of intimacy and learns our Father's heart. If we ask him for fish or bread, he does not give us something different! But he gives GOOD things to those who ask (Matthew 7:9-11).

And faith stands on the promise that "Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you HAVE RECEIVED it, and it will be yours."

This is not, friends, "Whatever you ask, believe that you've received something different..." Corrie and I are asking for healing, and this verse says that THAT is what we have received.

Pushing Through to the Other Side

Corrie and I will keep standing firm through the storm. Our recent experience has looked like the storm is too much. It's looked and felt like my body is just stuck on Prednisone, left to suffer from its toxicity.

But Jesus has said differently! Jesus has said that we are going to the other side. And so in the rest that comes from knowing his character, that his word stands true, that he can be trusted, we won't panic in the storm. But we'll come sit down next to him and share our hearts with him. We'll tell him that fear is tempting us. We'll tell him about the lurking disappointment that could sweep over the sides of the boat.

And then we'll listen as he assures us that he is good, that his promises stand true, that he is Jehovah Rapha, the LORD our Healer. And he'll say, "Everything I have is now yours. When I died, you died with me so that you could be raised to new life and receive every gift, every blessing, every victory over all the works of the devil."

We'll stand back up in the boat and be able to see the storm for what it really is, an impostor that threatens and intimidates and makes a big show of strength. But here's what Jesus said about Goliaths: "I have given you authority to trample every snake and every scorpion."

As Corrie and I face this storm, we declare with the full backing of heaven:

You come to us with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but we come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whose word and promises you have defied. This day the LORD will deliver you into our hand, and we will strike you down and cut off your head. We will give your dead body to the birds of the air and the wild beasts of the earth, that all may know that there is a God in Israel, Jehovah Rapha, our great Healer and Champion, and that all of this assembly, everyone watching may know that the LORD saves not with sword and spear.  For the battle is the LORD's, and he HAS GIVEN you into our hands.  (paraphrased from I Samuel 17:41-47)

I've got to imagine Jesus looking up from his bed in the boat, with a twinkle in his eye and excitement in his smile, "Now that's faith. Let's do this."

Please Join Us

We are about to start another round of lowering my Prednisone dose. My doctor has put me on another medication to help with the process. Would you all join us in faith as we subdue this enemy? Though, on the one hand, this battle is mine and Corrie's--on the other hand, it is all of ours. The enemies we defeat and the ground we take in healing are victories for all of us as we push back the darkness to bring more of his kingdom and presence to this earth.

Hebrews 11:1  Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 10:35-39  Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.

For, "Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him."

But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.

Pressing on to know the Lord

The Old Testament is hard. It is exciting stories, spread out by chapter upon chapter or book upon book of the LORDs coming punishment, or rebuke, or rules, or how they have broken all the rules. And then the whole second half is prophet after prophet trying their darnedest  to get these people to listen, which they don’t, so then they are conquered.  Several times.

But IN THERE…and you kind of have to trudge through the miry swamps of depressing judgment on city after city to find them…are some incredible promises from the Lord and truths about who He is, and was, and will always be.

This is no news to my husband who LOVES the Minor Prophets and reads ‘em all the time. (Is it my fault that I truly prefer a good Jane Austen novel?) But I’ve had a good craving for more of God’s Word lately, and I figured I may as well stop taking Matt’s word for it, and go read it myself.

I started with Jeremiah which was a BIG mistake. That book is long. I actually looked up at Matt once and said: It HAS to get good toward the end right?

So I powered through and then jumped over to the Minor Prophets. : ) They are probably called Minor because their books are like a song in a minor key.

And I was starting to get desperate for the Lord to give me something out of it. I was coming across lots of good things, and there were certainly promises in there…but nothing was jumping out new for just me.  Then I finally found it in Hosea.

“So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD.
His going forth is as certain as the dawn;
And He will come to us like the rain,
Like the spring rain watering the earth.” Hosea 6:3

Initially I reread the verse simply because I think the first line is beautiful in its repetition and emotion. But as I read it again, things began to jump at me, and I would like to share them.

First, the Lord wants to know us, and wants us to know Him, but it requires pressing. We have to move into it. We have to consciously stand on His word (consciously, not literally) and let go of the world.

Second, pressing through THIS will bring us closer to the Lord. For Hosea, THIS was a nation whose fickle, unfaithful heart was being compared to a harlot. For us, THIS very well could be our own fickleness and wandering heart, or it could be promises of health that have yet to come…or insert your own stuff that doesn’t gel with how your spirit cries out for it to be.

Third, the Lord’s moving is certain. As certain as the sun…rising in the east…tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme….Beauty and the ---Wait a second! Walt, how did you get in here?

We don’t usually, or healthily, go to sleep at night worrying that the sun won’t rise. If anything we are hoping that the Lord extends night so we can sleep longer  ; )  We can be confident in sunrise, and confident in the Lord.

Fourth, oh lovely, lovely spring rain. Here on the good ‘ol West Coast there is no such thing as seasons. And this year we totally skipped winter. But it is not the same elsewhere. Matt and I lived in New York for 1 winter, and I’m good with that for a while. Snow is pretty, but then in melts, and gets dirty and slushy and everything looks dead. And having grown up in California, we were ready for spring in, you know, February…and it didn’t come ‘til April. But when it came, it was brilliant.

In fact, side note: Spring had not sprung on Easter Sunday when I went into labor with Rebecca…and then when we emerged from the hospital 2 days later…EVERYTHING was blooming. I think it was ‘cause of Rebecca. The earth was celebrating.

The verse suggests that THIS is a season, and as sure as spring comes – eventually – a new season with the Lord will come.

I know what you are thinking ‘cause I think it too: When?

I don’t know.

But another great promise-filled book says this:

Behold, the former things have come to pass, now I declare new things; Before they spring forth I proclaim them to you. Isaiah 42:9

His promises have come true before (see: Jesus), and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever – so we know He is a keeper of promises.

If He did not declare the things that are to come, we might not recognize that it’s HIM when they happen. And this is how we press in: We take those two verses, as well as any others that the Lord causes to pop out to you, and we hold them up a little higher than our circumstances and we declare (out loud if you want to) that THESE are truer than the THIS we are living in.

~ Ever watching, and working on being ever-willing, Corrie

Follow up to our healing prayer night

On Sunday, April 15th I had another opportunity to speak at the local Teen Challenge men's center.  As the date was approaching, and I was asking the Lord what he would have me speak about, I felt that he simply wanted me to speak from where we are in life right now.  This was only two days after our church's Healed and Made Whole prayer night where we prayed for any and all who are sick to be healed.

What a wonderful night that was!  Corrie and I were both part of prayer teams and we were blessed to be able to pray healing, deliverance, and freedom over many dear friends and acquaintances.  I have told several people that there is something extra that rises up within me when I am praying for healing for others.  The same goes for Corrie.  Our hearts resonate with this ministry, and it is our sincere desire that God uses us in this way for years and years to come.

I also received prayer for healing that night but as of yet have not noticed any distinguishable improvement.  In fact, I've received prayer for healing many times since getting sick, and I am still not better.  And this brings me back to what was on my heart to share at Teen Challenge: the time between God's promise and the fulfillment of that promise.  What do we do when we pray for healing fervently and faith-filledly and victoriously, but then nothing happens?  Do we give up and assume that it must not be God's will to heal me?  Do we pray again?  Do we wait?

This is a question that I've wrestled with many times in the last 5 years.  It is the hardest thing in the world to believe that Jesus both can and wants to heal me when I currently see no healing taking place.  No wonder the argument, "Sometimes it is not God's will to heal.  He must be using this for a greater purpose.  He wants to bring glory to himself by refining you through your sickness"--No wonder that argument sounds so appealing!  When we believe in something over and over again with no visible results, it's only natural to think that maybe we're wrong.

But what about the promises?  Jeremiah 1:12 says that God watches over his word to perform it.  And then, 2 Corinthians tells us that all of the promises of God are "Yes" in Christ.  Given these and many other assurances in the Bible that God will indeed perform his word, we should hold on to every promise that he has for us until it comes.  These promises are our very inheritance as children of God.  They are the links that connect us to the Kingdom.  And when they are fulfilled, they are the signs to the world that the Kingdom of God is really here.  So shouldn't we fight for them?

In my honest evaluation of the Scriptures, I can't find enough compelling evidence to make me believe that God DOESN'T want to heal me.  Everything points the other direction.  Of course, maybe I'm wrong.  But the things that make me think I'm wrong are experience and my own wonderings, not Scripture.  And, as I've said before, I think that we have to hold to the Bible as truth even above our sensory experience...otherwise...well, that's another topic.

So, all that said, I believe God has given Corrie and me promises for healing, both through his Word and through others...but the fulfillment hasn't come.  The story I spoke about at Teen Challenge recently is from 2 Kings 18-19 when Sennacherib, the King of Assyria, takes the entire northern kingdom of Israel captive, proceeds to take over most of the cities of the southern kingdom of Judah, and basically surrounds Jerusalem with his massive armies, ready to wipe out the city and its king, Hezekiah.

Basically, Sennacherib sends messengers to yell threats and accusations against God, saying he won't rescue them, and against Hezekiah, saying that he has lied to the people in telling them that they should trust God for deliverance.  He then makes a compelling offer to the people: Resist me and die, or give in to me and enjoy a better life than you've even had before.  Hezekiah hears this, gets freaked out, and seeks a word from God.  God says that Sennacherib won't even touch the city and will return to his own home, leaving Jerusalem and the people of Judah in peace.

BUT that doesn't happen...at least immediately.  Sennacherib threatens again with a letter, so Hezekiah takes the letter to the temple and spreads it before the Lord, basically saying, "Hello!  You said this guy was going to leave!  He's still here and more dangerous than ever!"  Long story short:  God tells Hezekiah the same thing as before, and then slaughters the Assyrian army, and Sennacherib goes home never to bother Judah again.

I think that this story is exactly where Corrie and I are.  We are holding fast to a promise from the Lord for healing and deliverance from this form of bondage.  But the enemy hasn't retreated yet.  It's still there, knocking at our front door.  So where do we go?  If we keep looking out over the walls of the city to the massed armies, we tend to only fear and worry and doubt.  We start to wonder that maybe God doesn't have the answer we need.  So we've GOT to run to the temple!  We have GOT to get into the presence of the Lord and present these threats to him over and over and over and over so that he can quiet our spirit, whisper his words of promise and of life to us, and give us strength to keep going until the enemy flees.  And we know that he WILL flee.


P.S.

One last thought: I just re-stumbled upon a verse the other day:  Deuteronomy 7:22-23: "And the LORD your God will drive out those nations before you little by little; you will be unable to destroy them at once, lest the beasts of the field become too numerous for you.  But he LORD your God will deliver them over to you, and will inflict defeat upon them until they are destroyed."

Maybe sometimes there is a delay in the promise because we are not yet strong enough to receive the answer immediately.  Complete instant victory might sometimes result in weak Christians.  Perhaps we have to go through a period of fighting and driving out the enemies slowly so that we won't be overcome by the beasts of pride, complacence, self-reliance that can creep in when victory is too easy.