Faith through the Storm

As many of you know, my health has been somewhat shaky for the past few months.  Obviously it's been a battle of ours for the last 8 years, often marked by times of seeming to get better, only to be followed by times of seeming to get worse.

In the early part of 2015, I had to increase my daily dose of Prednisone from 30mg to 40mg because the pain and inflammation all over my body was getting worse, and we couldn't figure out why. The treatments that have worked for me in the past seemed to actually be exacerbating my symptoms rather than moving us closer to healing.

After a couple months on this higher dose and having done some other treatments to help support my body, we tried unsuccessfully to lower my Prednisone dose back down.  So I had to go back up up to 40mg per day, and I've been at that same dose for the past 4 or 5 months.

While the Prednisone is definitely useful and effective in relieving the Lyme/Arthritis symptoms, namely by keeping my body's pain and swelling down, it is not good to be on such high doses for such long periods of time (about 4 years total).

Now, my body feels like its primary battle is against the Prednisone. I won't go into all the details, but my Prednisone-specific symptoms, which I've never had until recently, are a puffy face, adrenal exhaustion (which I can feel through cyclical waves of fatigue and pain throughout the day), easily breakable bones (especially my ribs), dry eyes, and a couple others.

If true healing is going to take place, the toxicity from the Prednisone needs to be halted. 

We are hoping and believing for me to eventually be free of it all together.  But the last times we have tried to drop my dose, believing Jesus to support my body and free me from Prednisone, it just hasn't happened. My pain got too bad, joints started getting too swollen, and pushing forward in faith to lower and lower doses just wasn't having our hoped-for effect on my body.

There's a line of thinking that offers itself as a temptation. "You're stuck. You're stuck on this drug and it's hurting you, but there's nothing you can do about it. You've prayed and believed for health and freedom from it. You've put your faith in Jehovah Rapha, but it's just not doing anything. He's promised healing, but you're not going to get there."

That's why I'm writing this post, friends. Corrie and I cannot give in to the drawbacks that we've experienced in my health at the cost of believing the Lord's Word. And it's hard because we can start to feel like we can believe something all day long, but it sure would be nice for that belief to pan out in our experience. If Jesus is powerful and real and active, then it should pan out, right?

But if we give up, then it never will.

Faith in the Storm

Jesus has recently been using the short little story from Mark 4 verses 35-41, where he calms the storm after being asleep in the boat for a while, to pull me further into a place of intimacy with him. With these fresh eyes for it, the story is quickly becoming one of my favorites in the gospels.

It begins with Jesus telling his disciples after a long day of ministry, "Let's go to the other side of the sea." So they set out in their boat only to be faced with a huge storm whose waves began to fill the boat. This was clearly not the voyage that the disciples had in mind when they heard the innocuous words, "Let's go to the other side."

In a panic, the disciples went to Jesus and asked him somewhat accusingly if he cared about whether or not they were currently "perishing."

So Jesus woke up from his nap, stood in the boat, and, as though he had it under control all along (which he did), told the storm to be quiet and stop.

But what gets me is his response to the disciples. See, I always read this story and thought that he was a little harsh on them. And I never saw their question, "Teacher, don't you care that we are perishing?" as anything other than an honest, legitimate question coming from some guys who were clearly in danger.

And right! How could Jesus be sleeping at a time like that? It sure doesn't seem like he cared at all! If the disciples DIDN'T go wake him up, then yes, they would have died. So they did the right thing, right?

Why, then, the rebuke from Jesus? "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?"

Wait.

Wasn't there faith in the very act of going to him for help in the storm? But Jesus said that they still had NO faith.

Jesus has said in many ways--in the Bible, to Rebecca, to Corrie, to me, through friends, through prophetic words--"Let's go to the other side of this lake. Let's get you healed."

And we've believed him, we've gone for it. We've said, "Yes Jesus, you are our healer. You can heal me. You WANT to heal me." Even, "You HAVE healed me."

But we're not at the other side yet. We're still in the storm. Learning faith.

So if faith is not what the disciples did, if it's not, "Jesus, don't you care that this disease is still attacking my body? Don't you care that I'm still stuck on Prednisone? Save us!"--then what IS faith for us right now?

Hebrews 11:6  And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

This is more than, "Jesus please heal me, but your will be done, not mine." The verse says that faith believes that God rewards those who seek him. That God answers the cries of their heart. Faith holds on to the fact that our Dad already gave us his Son freely, so how will he not freely give us all things (Romans 8:32).

Faith spends time in the quiet place of intimacy and learns our Father's heart. If we ask him for fish or bread, he does not give us something different! But he gives GOOD things to those who ask (Matthew 7:9-11).

And faith stands on the promise that "Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you HAVE RECEIVED it, and it will be yours."

This is not, friends, "Whatever you ask, believe that you've received something different..." Corrie and I are asking for healing, and this verse says that THAT is what we have received.

Pushing Through to the Other Side

Corrie and I will keep standing firm through the storm. Our recent experience has looked like the storm is too much. It's looked and felt like my body is just stuck on Prednisone, left to suffer from its toxicity.

But Jesus has said differently! Jesus has said that we are going to the other side. And so in the rest that comes from knowing his character, that his word stands true, that he can be trusted, we won't panic in the storm. But we'll come sit down next to him and share our hearts with him. We'll tell him that fear is tempting us. We'll tell him about the lurking disappointment that could sweep over the sides of the boat.

And then we'll listen as he assures us that he is good, that his promises stand true, that he is Jehovah Rapha, the LORD our Healer. And he'll say, "Everything I have is now yours. When I died, you died with me so that you could be raised to new life and receive every gift, every blessing, every victory over all the works of the devil."

We'll stand back up in the boat and be able to see the storm for what it really is, an impostor that threatens and intimidates and makes a big show of strength. But here's what Jesus said about Goliaths: "I have given you authority to trample every snake and every scorpion."

As Corrie and I face this storm, we declare with the full backing of heaven:

You come to us with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but we come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whose word and promises you have defied. This day the LORD will deliver you into our hand, and we will strike you down and cut off your head. We will give your dead body to the birds of the air and the wild beasts of the earth, that all may know that there is a God in Israel, Jehovah Rapha, our great Healer and Champion, and that all of this assembly, everyone watching may know that the LORD saves not with sword and spear.  For the battle is the LORD's, and he HAS GIVEN you into our hands.  (paraphrased from I Samuel 17:41-47)

I've got to imagine Jesus looking up from his bed in the boat, with a twinkle in his eye and excitement in his smile, "Now that's faith. Let's do this."

Please Join Us

We are about to start another round of lowering my Prednisone dose. My doctor has put me on another medication to help with the process. Would you all join us in faith as we subdue this enemy? Though, on the one hand, this battle is mine and Corrie's--on the other hand, it is all of ours. The enemies we defeat and the ground we take in healing are victories for all of us as we push back the darkness to bring more of his kingdom and presence to this earth.

Hebrews 11:1  Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 10:35-39  Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.

For, "Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him."

But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.

When Jesus Visits

Our daughter, Rebecca, came to me one morning about a week or two ago.  We were in the middle of getting ready for our day.

"Dad, did you know that Jesus came into my room last night?"

Record scratch.  THAT'S not the conversation I was expecting right now.

Calmly and matter-of-factly I replied, "No, I didn't."

"Tell me about it."

"Well, he came over to my bed before I fell asleep and he told me, 'Rebecca I know you love your daddy, and I know you need me to heal him, and I am going to heal him."

"Rebecca, I love that!  That's so special.  Isn't Jesus really really good?"

"Yeah."

And then she continued on with her morning, probably playing with her sister or something, leaving me to marvel at our daughter's very own relationship with Jesus, who knows her heart and cares about the things that really matter to her.

A little while later, Corrie came to me and asked if Rebecca had told me about Jesus' visit.  Apparently, Rebecca shared a little more information with her.  Corrie asked her what Jesus looked like, and she said that his body was like stone but covered with jewels.

(Side note: as I was asking Rebecca about it again, I asked, "So his body was covered with gems, huh?" "No, Daddy.  Not gems...jewels.")   :)

Corrie asked her what his face looked like, and she said that it looked like the pictures of Jesus in her storybook Bible, but that it was hard to see really well because he was too shiny.

The way I see it, we basically have two options at this point. We believe her. Or we don't. And here's my question: Why is it so easy to NOT believe her?

Eh, she's just a kid.  Kids say all kinds of things and have a propensity for pretending and making things up.  She was probably just imagining, but definitely not experiencing something real.

It'd be easy to simply write it off both in my mind and hers. "Now, Rebecca. Did Jesus REALLY visit you last night? Are you sure you weren't just imagining him? Are you sure you weren't asleep?"

There there. Why don't you let the adults handle appearances of Jesus?

To be brutally honest, I think that Jesus' appearing to Rebecca presents a very pivotal and potentially dangerous opportunity for both her and us, her parents. We have the opportunity, right now, to either foster and protect her childlike heart, her faith OR to pull that seed right out of its soil, fostering doubt in the name of wisdom.

I want to be very careful here, because the way that SEEMS right--the way that feels like having a cool head, a sound mind, wisdom--actually goes against the heart of Jesus.

Luke 18:16-17  But Jesus called them to him, saying, "Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it."

When the children ran to him, his presence, his appearance, Jesus didn't rebuke them. He rebuked the adults standing by who were (probably with the best of intentions) quenching the children's innocence and faith. And he didn't say, "To such, who have been tempered by the reason of loving adults, belongs the kingdom of God." He just said to the kids, pure, innocent, and ready to believe. These have the kingdom! So we adults should take some lessons from them!

Then there's this story from Matthew:

Matthew 21:15-16  But when the chief priests and the scribes saw the wonderful things that he did, and the children crying out in the temple, "Hosanna to the Son of David!" they were indignant, and they said to him, "Do you hear what these are saying?" And Jesus said to them, "Yes; have you never read, 'Out of the mouths of infants and nursing babies you have prepared praise'?"

It's interesting that it's the Pharisees--the quintessential Bad Guys of the Bible, the ones you DON'T want to be--who question the children in the verse in Matthew. "Hey Jesus, don't you hear what these kids are saying?! They're worshiping you and calling you the Son of David! Clearly, they don't know what they're talking about. That's not who you are."

But Jesus' reply shows that God himself put that revelation in the children. They were testifying to EXACTLY who Jesus was.

So when we hear our five year old daughter tell us that Jesus showed up in her room and spoke to her about healing me and appeared shiny and like stone with jewels all over him...we're going to believe her. And not just that she thinks she saw him. We believe she actually saw him.

John 14:21  "And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him."